Human beings scar consistently and easily. Not all scars are physical or seen by the naked eye. Some scars are unseen. In the mind, some traumatic events leave impressions, which build up over time.
When I was very small, there was an incident of molestation that happened before I could walk or talk. I have vivid memories from that event, even though I was so young at the time. These memories have come back to me through years of intentional therapeutic work to uncover the root causes of some of my emotional and physical problems that I encountered as a young adult.
The problems stemming from numerous incidents of childhood sexual abuse were most acute when I was a young mother of young children. I couldn’t seem to sleep properly or digest my food properly during those years. I also needed counseling in order to handle conflicts that occurred during my marriage. I had a nice husband, but I was so taxed energetically that I couldn’t give him the gratitude that he actually deserved. He couldn’t be grateful to me either, and by the time 10 years of difficult marriage passed, we were ready to separate and divorce.
Now, I’m 48 years old and I’ve been divorced for 14.5 years. I’ve paid thousands of dollars and many many hours for therapy to handle the emotional and physical problems that I live with as a result of being sexually abused as a child. In addition, there was some emotional and spiritual neglect that happened in my family, despite the good and loving intentions of my parents. This is not a blame game. I love my parents and yet I’m compelled to look at them more truthfully than they allowed me to as a child. The reason I must tell this truth is not to hurt anyone, but to help those still sustaining the same kinds of scars that I have carried with me into this healing period.
More on this topic in future posts. With much love.
